New Beginnings...

For the most part new beginnings have never scared me. To be honest I've never really had that feeling of not knowing what to expect. While nobody knows exactly whats going to happen, but usually, if your life is as normal and boring as mine, you can kind of expect what is going to happen. In every new beginning I've started, I've had some sort of past experience or realistic expectation of what could be heading my way. And while this school year is no exception, I'm realizing I will have to fly by the seat of my pants a little bit more this year. As it is my last year of high school, I'll be experiencing things I've only dreamed about- applying to universities and for scholarships, prom, fun activities with my grad class and being handed my high school diploma. And while I know what to expect for the most part, they're all still new experiences for me. But I still don't know exactly how things are going to turn out and for the first time in my life it actually does matter how things turn out. So maybe I didn't exactly know how my first day of karate class was going to turn out when I was eight. And I definitely didn't know I was going to hate karate so much by the end of the class and never return. But did it really matter? Not at all. But now, God only knows which university dorms I'll be moving into this time next year. And that's scary. I've always kind of known what was going to happen. But for once in my life I don't entirely know what's going to happen.  What if I don't get into my dream university? What if a different university offers me more money? What will happen to all my friends? Where will they go? Who will I meet? What if I don't make any friends? What if I hate my major? What if I have to rethink my entire future career? What if I move to a city I don't end up liking but meet my future husband there and end up staying in a place I hate for the rest of eternity because of that stupid future husband of mine? What if, what if, what if... And while I am exaggerating how stressed I am about all this, cause in all honesty, I'm not and all these worries are at least six months or even a year away, these questions have swirled around in my head from time to time over the last few weeks. Yes, even the future husband one.

I may not know what's going to happen this next year and that's okay. I'll just leave it all up to the big guy in the sky. And no matter where I end up next year, I will soar- even if it's by the seat of my pants.


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