This is a hard post for me to write. I've tried writing it a number of times and each time it's brought back a lot of emotions that I don't want to feel. But I think I'll be able to get through it this time.

My few readers may have noticed that I have been absent for most of this year. First and foremost, I was pretty busy and my blog was sadly not a priority. I also have not been writing because this past semester was a rough one.

Throughout February and March I had terrible anxiety and panic attacks. There was a lot more drama and stress in my life than I was used to and I don't deal well with stress to begin with. The really unfortunate part is that when I have a panic attack I don't hyperventilate, I don't feel unbalanced or any of the normal signs of a panic or anxiety attack. Instead I throw up and lose my appetite. Being already a really petite person, this affected me greatly. I did lose some weight, not a lot numerically, but it really showed on me, due to my body's size. On top of it I looked stressed and worn out most of the time. Living in a small town where I am related to a lot of people, it got a lot of people worried, which made it even worse.

I've always had a healthy attitude toward food. I love healthy food, especially fruits and veggies but I also have a major sweet tooth. I have always eaten whatever I wanted when I wanted because I don't have to worry about it.

I have since recovered from my panic and anxiety attacks and not had one in a few months. I cut out the people in my life that were causing me drama and stress. My appetite is normal again and I've been eating lots as well as exercising again to try and gain some muscle.

Unfortunately I have been unable to gain back the weight due to my naturally high metabolism. People's comments have continued to stress me out. People don't realize how much their "caring" comments hurt. I have to deal with these added body issues from my anxiety myself already without peoples' comments. A lot of my jeans don't fit me anymore. At prom, my corsage didn't fit around my wrist and I had to wear it halfway up my forearm. These things already feel like stabs into my body confidence, without people always commenting on my body. Saying "why are you so thin?" or "you need to put some meat on your bones" doesn't help. Since when did it become okay to comment on anybody's body? Like most things in life, I've always looked at the positives of my body rather than the cons. I see my nice eyes and hair, toned legs and great butt rather than my unclear skin, the scabby zits on my shoulders and lack of curves. But I allow these negative comments from others to stress me out. Am I eating too little? Am I eating enough sweets? Have I gained any weight? It's not okay to be constantly worrying about it. So I try not to.

It's not okay to comment on anybody's weight or physical flaws. Everyone is their own worst critic, so why make that little voice in their head even louder with your comments? We all have struggles- in life and with our bodies. We are all still beautiful. I might not have that many curves and be bony and weak, but I have beautifully strong legs and a great butt and I am beautiful.

When I was younger I worried about very little. But in the last year and half I have definitely become more of a worry-wart and anxiety ridden person. It can be really hard to deal with. Last year I learned to control my anxieties about school. In the past few months, relationships in my life have changed, for the better for the most part, but under circumstances that are not what I'm normally used to. I have had to realize that overthinking, being clingy and not being chill is not only hurting me, but also those around me. This is what I'm currently learning and what I have learned:

1. Don't have unrealistic expectations of yourself or others. Realize what things are for what they truly are, not what you want them to be. Don't let the dreamer in you get too carried away. There's nothing wrong with being optimistic, just make sure it's realistic.

2. Don't sweat the small stuff. Will this matter in ten, twenty, eighty years? Probably not. He didn't text you back right away? He probably still likes you and thinks highly of you and is probably just busy. You get a not so great grade on a test? It's probably not going to affect your grade that much and you'll study harder for the next one.

3. Look at the bright side. Are you still happy? Is it still a decent mark when you put it into perspective?

4. Accept that nothing will be perfect, go exactly as planned, or how you imagined it would.

5. Use outlets for your emotions. If you love to reflect and overthink, but also kind of hate it, use outlets for your emotions. For me, I love to talk and rant and write. My two best friends literally only hear about the bad things and problems in my life. How they're still my friends, I do not know. I also like to write. Which is why I'm writing this post

6. Don't assume the worst. Be realistic, realize the truth, but don't assume the worst.

7. Distract yourself. When I find myself getting anxious about something I absorb myself in a TV Show or book or have fun with friends. Unplugging is the best way to chill.

I hope these little tips and tricks can help you feel a bit more chilled out and I hope that I can practice what I preach a little more. Cheers!

Second beauty post and third post this week, look at me go! I got some money for Christmas from some of my relatives and just happened to be going into the city after Christmas which meant I couldn't resist a few gifts for myself.

I had been eyeing up some sweaters from Joe Fresh was finally able to get two which are so cozy and fit just perfectly.

I finally jumped on the Essie train. I've wanted to for so long but they're so pricy compared to the crappy $2 nail polishes I usually buy but I figured Christmas money was the perfect excuse to jump on that train. I bought the colours ballet slippers and chinchilly. Ballet slippers is the perfect nude light pink colour and chinchilly is a grey-lavender colour that will be perfect for winter. I also was in need of a decent top coat so I decided to inm's Out the Door Top Coat which I had never seen before.

I was also in need of a few basic cosmetics. My Rimmel Wake Me Up Concealer is getting low so I figured I'd pick one up. I also picked up a new eyeliner which is the Maybelline Unstoppable Eyeliner in Espresso. My best friend raves about this and you don't have to sharpen it so I thought I'd test it out. I've been eyeing up the Olay Fresh Effects Shine, Shine Go Away Shine Minimizing Cleanser as I've been trying to find a creamy acne or oil-eliminating cleanser that actually lathers up for the last year. Believe me, it's been more of a challenge than you think. But this one actually does lather up, so it looks very promising.

I hope you're all having a good start to 2015. Cheers!

I know that your bloglovin feed is probably filling up with these posts like crazy, but I had to join in.

2014 Recap:
2014 has been the absolute craziest, most eventful, but most fun-filled year yet. And it has gone by so fast.
The first few months brought a lot of success academically and me falling in love with the online beauty and blogging community.
The spring and summer brought lots of fun things- Saturdays in the city with my besties, boys, fun with school friends.
The fall brought lots of hope and excitement for things to come in this school year and becoming to closer to a few people. To be honest, I'm still kind of in this season.

What I Learned in 2014: 
1. Your views will change and alter with time, just like you do.
2. Love, relationships and boys are confusing, mysterious such wonderful and painful things all at the same time.
3. Taking risks is okay.
4. You have to live in the moment and go after what you want in life.
5. You don't have to be perfect. We all make stupid mistakes. We're not always responsible all the time, though sometimes we have to be. And people don't judge you for these things as much as you probably think they do.
6. You have to make time for things.

What's Happening in 2015: 
2015 is going to bring so much excitement and new adventures and I could not be more excited and nervous for it all. I will be so busy, things will be changing and it's going to be so incredible.

So that was my 2014 and a vague account of what's going on and what will be happening in my life. Let me know in the comments what you are most excited for in 2015.